Up and over

I'm reading this book called Meditation as Medicine. Dharma Singh Khalsa, M.D. wrote according to Victor Frankl,the psychiatrist that was in a Nazi concentration camp, people can endure almost anything as long as they find meaning in it.

"He did a study on concentration camp survivors and found out that the most thing they had in common wasn't youth, or strength, but the ability to find meaning in their suffering."

Now I'm not trying to compare my lame break-up sadness with the suffering of a concentration camp, which I cannot even imagine. But only to relate the concept to my own life and also ask the question, what is the meaning of all of this?

I mean, I am baffled. Every relationship has its pros and cons, but this absolutely ended ridiculous. And it shouldn't even warrant such sadness. I don't even want to give any of my emotion to it cause its not even worth it. Then why the sad face? Why the heaviness in the chest? I just don't get it. but I can't ignore it. It just proves to show that no break-up is an easy break-up even though the reasons are smack dab obvious in your face.

So the meaning of my suffering? If I should even call it that, maybe more like break-up aftermath, or post-break-up emotional residue. There is always a lesson. Through suffering we learn lessons. We learn how to be stronger, how to be put to the test. And how to be more wise in choosing a partner in relationships. We learn what we love, want, what we don't want and things that we definitely will say hell no to.

All I must remember is what my psychiatrist says, "Stay the course." I called him the other day not knowing whether this sadness s from the break-up or a med change. I currently weening off a lot of my meds. Whoohoo! But I was afraid that it was affecting my mood.

Nope. He diagnosed me with a broken heart. Yet he gave some good advice. Cultivate hope, make space for new relationships, and look to the future.

Oh and run everyday.

What?!!! I hate running. (Funny since I was on the Cross Country team .. bad memories) You mean I have to actually work at this? Can't you just throw me some more pills just like every other doctor I've had?

That's what I love about Dr. Horvath, that and his cool German accent, is that he gives me homework, not drugs. Alternative things to do. Solutions that we are both happy with. I know its not gonna be easy, but it's me against my body and mind right now. And I'm not losing.

Now where are my running shoes again?